Looking for a Valentine? Filter for kindness

Who says nice guys finish last?

New research out of Michigan State University shows that kindness and emotional stability are more important predictors of happiness in relationships than similar personalities.

"We kind of started the project looking at whether similar couples were happier. Shockingly, it turned out that they weren’t," said William Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at the university.

Chopik and Richard Lucas, MSU Foundation professor of psychology, reviewed data that examined happiness levels and personality traits among 2,578 heterosexual, married couples. Their findings were published in a report — appropriately released just before Valentine's Day — called,  "Actor, partner, and similarity effects of personality on global and experienced well-being."

Chopik said the couples were asked about nine types of happiness.

"We found having a similar personality didn’t matter for almost any of them," he said. 

Chopik suggested that people focus on a few key traits if they want a happier relationship — and a happier life. 

They include conscientiousness, or the desire to do things thoughtfully and dutifully; emotional stability; and agreeableness, or "how nice you are."

Even among couples who share similar personalities, Chopik and Lucas found that having a nice, conscientious partner leads to a more satisfying relationship.

Chopik said online dating services often match people based on their similarities. But daters might have more success, he said, if they focused on finding a person who treats other people with kindness, is responsible and doesn't make rash decisions.

"Personality certainly matters for how happy you’ll be," he said, "but maybe don’t put a ton of stock in finding someone who's perfectly compatible with your personality. It's way more important to find someone who is emotionally stable."